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The BALD EAGLE NEST WEBPAGE,
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          STATEMENT OF MISSION:     Be forewarned that "We" still ain't responsible for the links that you link to from our pages.   These links are still the result of our private use and if you are using them, it's your business, not ours nor is it our concern cause, they were put here for our private use.         (Ka-pish??????)
          CORE VALUES:     So, what ever it is you are doing is cause you don't give a dang and are using these links at your own risk and it's your own business, subject to the restrictions of the applicable governing laws and the statutes of the State you are in even if it is a state of total confusion, or in such instances that you may be offshore, beyond the three (3), five (5) or ten (10) mile limit and or beyond the sovereign boundaries of whatever State or Country that you may inhabit!     You could be out in the middle of a big lake even (an what you are doing there is your business!)!     You may or may not, directly or indirectly, provide the services for which you are receiving, have received or should have received the information you were contracted or not contracted to find or was it maybe blindly stumbling about unless, of course, you have already fallen and can't get up!     In such instances please access the proper facility's phone number and/or authorities phone number for the help you may or may not need (please, do not under the circumstances exceed the posted legal speed limits except in the case of emergencies and in those instances, proceed with extreme caution!     Be always aware that these are semi-professionals and or professionals attempting what they may be doing even tho they might not be physically able to do so, (one more warning) don't try this at home.     Let the semi-professionals and or professionals damage themselves!)!

          VISION:     This copyright only applies to the making of these webpages, to the notice at the bottom of these pages and does include this "disclaimer"!     "We" got no control over the links here-in that you try to link to from these pages!!!     If, on the outside chance, you run across some good ones (links) that you think "We" may like, let "Us" know about it and in those instances, the above may be considered bunch of hooey, null and void of any real coherent thought as far as you not having any real reason to use these links or being "apart of" and "We" may decide to add them to our non-responsible list of links and thereby, "YOU" would be "apart of" these pages!)

(Sound touchy-feelie enough and like it could be legalese stuff??????)
(If you want more, continue reading below!)
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For Legible Fine Print Click Here!

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CONTENTS:
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          "US" TERMINOLOGY:

    Be it known that as used in this disclaimer, privacy statement, use of site, agreement, etc., here on down, that "The Bald Eagle Nest", "The Eagles Nest", The Eagle Nest", Eagles Nest", "Eagle Nest", (as "We" refer to ourselves) will/can be also called, "We", "Us", "Our", "Me", "My", "I", "Us-ins", "We-ins", "Me-ins", "Our-ins" and/or any or whatever other "-ins" you or "We" can think of and "you", "you-ins", "your", "your-ins", "youse-guys", "youse-girls", "youse-whatever" and "yours" means you, the reader, the visitor, the person (male or female) reading this.

          DISCLAIMER OF ENDORSEMENT:

    Reference to any products, services, processes, hypertext links to third, forth or fifth ("huh???   What happened to second") parties or other information by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, supplier or otherwhere where "We" say hey, look at this stuff, does not constitute or imply its endorsement, sponsorship or recommendation by "The Bald Eagle Nest" unless, of course "We" specifically say so but then "We" still aren't really recommending them and all other trademarks used are owned by their respective owners unless they are owned by someone else!

Links to third, forth or fifth ("huh once more???   What happened to second") party web sites, from this web site, are provided solely as a convenience to/for "Us" but as a secondary effect, for you.     If you use these links, that "We" like to use, you will leave our site ("bye-bye, so long fare well").   "We" have checked out the site you have linked to once, but do not review all links on a regular basis, nor do "We" monitor them which would be too much work, these third, forth or fifth ("huh, again???   What happened to second") party sites and "We" do not control ("control is just an illusion"), nor are "We" responsible for ("hey, "We" never were responsible except for the time "We" were apart of the "Service Patrol" in grade school in which all the other kids PROVED to "Us", beyond a shadow of doubt, that responsibility is also an illusion!!!!"), any of these/those/them-in sites, their content or their privacy policy if they've got either at all ("remember 'illusion'?").

          PRIVACY STATEMENT:

    This Privacy Policy applies to both current and former users of "Our" web site, which does includes future users and outlines how "We" get the goods on you, forevermore called, "our information gathering" and what "We" do with it, again, forevermore called, "usage practices" for "www.baldeaglenest.com".     Its purpose is to notify, or not, you of what goods or "personally identifiable information" of yours ("User Information") is collected ("one piece at a time"); how the information is used ("is there anyone who would buy it?     Yea sure!"); with whom the information may be shared ("everyone in the 'circle file' or your immediate circle of friends within your wireless network!"); what choices are available to you regarding collection ("not one darn thing!     It's the same with the large commercial sites you visit!"), use and distribution of the information ("see selling, circle file and wireless network") what kind of security procedures are in place to protect the loss, misuse or alteration of information under Our control ("all goods "We" gather should and will be switched, altered from one (1) state unto another, till totally unidentifiable") and how you can correct any inaccuracies in the information ("it is ALL inaccurate, especially your name, race, religious and sexual preferences or gender, either before or after the operation, so why change anything and confuse everyone!").

          USE OF SITE:

    "We" may share user Information, collected through our web site, with the round file also known as the trash can, thus "We" here by give you, the user, one (1) opportunity not to use "Our" site so that the information being exchanged, that doesn't get exchanged, won't get exchanged with the circle file!     Local country laws are applied to something else where they differ from this policy of "trashed privacy!"

"We" are firmly committed, well, sort of but were at one (1) time committed then released on "Our" own recognizance (but that is a different legal document) to guarding the confidence you have placed in "Our" site ("don't make "Me" laugh, you put confidence in "Us"????") and to use, responsibly ("remember 'illusion'?") and professionally (""We" sound professional???   Great!"), any information you volunteer when you sign "Our" guest book or e-mail "Us".     "We" strive to collect only those things that are collectable, eagles, letter openers, beanie' babes ("remember registered trade marks?"), and such other collectable things that interest "Us" be it 'spur of the moment' or in a more permanent manner (like superglue'd to our forehead but the doctors finally got it off!).     "We" are committed to using the information collected only for these purposes, if "We" mentioned them above, plus those outlined below or to either side if there is an either side or other side (one (1) side then de'other!).     Our web site visitors from Europe and/or elsewhere outside the United States, should note that "We" have developed this policy or "say so" with the intent of complying with the International Safe Harbor, Safe House, Safe Hotel or Holiday Inn ("remember registered trade marks?"), Privacy Principles, Privacy Steps, Twelve Steps (several programs for these!), Privacy Laws, Public or Private Illusions (not to be released to audiences below the age of 18 (eighteen) years.) between the United States, Europe and/or elsewhere to include the rest of the world.   If you do not want to share personal data, please read below for information on how to opt out or change personal information "We" collect from you when you send it to "Us" via e-mail or post it on "Our" Guest book.

          SWEEPSTAKES, CONTESTS & PROMOTIONS:

    "Our" Site NEVER sponsors sweepstakes, contests and promotions ("unless you qualify the pictures indicating different times of the year or holidays as 'promotions'.").     "We" don't have any contact data from "Our" promotions because "We" don't request any information from whom ever may use "Our" Site as "We" don't sponsor any of the afore mentioned things unless you do it with a site that you link to from ours and in that case, PLEASE, use protection BUT still be notified that "We" don't collect anything except as mentioned above which is not much of anything exceptin' if you specifically post it "Our" Guest Book!     If "We" should ever email you, "We" will never provide instructions explaining how to not to get e-mail from "Us" cause "We" would only be e-mailing you cause you asked a question directly, are a friend of "Ours" or you left your e-mail address in "Our" Guest Book and a wild hair prompted "Us" to ask you about those pictures of the zoo animals and the stage in Tee-a-wanna!

          ONLINE STORE:

    "We" ain't got none!!!!!     But if-in ya' want to send "Us" money just e-mail "Our" site first asking for an address to sent the multi-million dollar check to, but again, it would be a gift as "We" ain't sellin' nothin'! (Don't forget! This is your last chance to send in those $10.00 bills.     This offer expires 10 (ten) minutes from RIGHT NOW so again, get em mailed NOW!)

          ONLINE SURVEYS:

    The only "online survey" "We" might have is in our Guest Book and I don't remember what it may or may not ask so if you don't want everyone to know, don't post it there...

          CLOTHESLINE SURVEYS:

    This is what used to happen in the neighborhood when women would "hang" their wash out to dry in the sun, not thrown into a metal box with hot air rushing around!     The neighbor ladies would find out the most popular ways to doing things.  (This type of survey should not be confused with the term "clothesline gossip"!

          OFFSHORE DRILLING:

    This occurrence generally happens out in the ocean or gulf, maybe some lakes and involves multi-million dollar oil companies and should not be confused with the local lake, a house boat or similar water craft and your date! (Hopefully a female if you are a male but, then again it is your choice!)     "We" should also mention that the term "offshore drilling" has no bearing, how sume-ever, with reguard to our web site as we do NOT get any royalties.     Also note that we refute any responsibility* for leaks, above water (salt or fresh) or underwater (salt or fresh) nor shall "Our" site be considered responsible* for such cleanup as necessary to remove crude oil from the aforementioned polluted bodies of water be they salty or fresh.
    *NOTE: See above under, "DISCLAIMER OF ENDORSEMENT:" with due respect to "responsibilitys"; "that responsibility is also an illusion!!!!"

          EMAIL NEWSLETTERS:

    This one is easy, "We" don't have one, yet.     Maybe "We" would add one though, if more than 15,201 e-mails arrive asking "Us" to do one then "We" would seriously consider it and, you may ask, why the specific number of 15,201 e-mails?     It was just a number picked out of the hat!     The number two (2) would do just as well but the other one seems more impressive!

          CORRECTING OR UPDATING YOUR PERSONAL INFO:

    To change or modify or remove information previously provided to "Our" Guest Book, "We" recommend that you re-sign the Guest Book and just tell everyone of the changes from the last time you posted your information there.   Any other personal information you want to give may be sent to "Us" via e-mail at ben@baldeaglenest.com .     Be informed that usually the only other personal information "We" may want is "none" except the one where you request "Our" snail mail address to send "Us" a million dollars U.S. currency (tax free of course!)!

          APPROPRIATE AND PERMITTED USE:

    Youse, the user(s) may not, under any circumstances, use this web site to contribute to the delinquency of a minor or miner, contribute, post or transmit any material of an infringing, threatening, abusive, seductive, baleful, hay truck full, hateful, harassing, her-a$$ing, libelous, inflammatory, obscene, obese, indecent, pornographic, profane or pro-flame nature that could constitute or encourage conduct that would be considered a criminal offence, give rise to civil liability, riots (racial or otherwise), or otherwise violate any law that would have to do with minors or miners.

          INFORMATION WE AUTOMATICALLY COLLECT:

    For each web visitor, "We" record date and time of visit, IP address and browser type to analyze how visitors use our site and to gather broad demographic information like country of origin and browser usage among our visitors.     This information is analyzed by somebody (?) and then purged on a regular basis just like I used to do when I'd have too many drinks!     I'd really purge but I got tired of purging and don't do that anymore (with the drinks that is)!     "We" still do purge the information from time to time when "We" think of it or remember where it is!

This site contains links to other sites ("DUH!).     "We" are not responsible for the privacy practices or the content of such web sites that you go to from "Our" site.

"We" do not use cookies to track session information and site usage patterns but "We" did eat cookies when "We" got the munchies, err hungry, but no more (munchies that is).     "We" presently like "Our" cookies with milk in the evenings and in the morning "We" like to dunk our chocolate chip cookies in "Our" coffee.     Yea, I know.   It sounds uckey but chocolate chip cookies in hot coffee really taste good and if the chocolate chip cookies are hard the hot coffee softens them up so that "Our" gums don't get ripped apart ("that can happen even with false teeth!").     "We" refrain from mentioning specific brand names of "Our" favorite cookies to comply with the "Cookie Non-Brand Name Compliance Requirements" set forth by the United States Federal Government offices of "Cookie Non-Brand Name Compliance Requirements" office.

Updates to "Our" Privacy Policy will be announced on our web site, clearly posted but rarely understood or read.

          PRIVACY AND CHILDREN:

    Our web site does not target children (defined as those persons under 16-15-14-13 years of age) unless they get in "Our" cross hairs, NAH, just joking, as an audience ("it is messy to clean up after they have spent any time in one place if you can keep them in one place") or a market ("selling kids is illegal, costs too much to keep them till they sell and it is too messy to clean up after them once they have spent any time in one place if you can keep them in one place for very long!"), and "We" do not collect information about the age of "Our" web site users.     "We" intend to comply with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998.     I would have said that upon learning "We" have inadvertently collected personal information from a child, "We" will make all reasonable efforts to delete that data from "Our" records but "We" don't have any data to delete except on the Guest Book where "We" once again claim, disavow, deny responsibility for, grant that "We" have no control who puts what there or in the 'circle file' along with the un-eaten pizza, apple cores and orange peels where it would be very messy and germ laden to retrieve information that anyone would want due to vermin laden stains, virus's or general crud that may be attached to the information (UCK!).

          SECURITY:

    To protect the loss, misuse and alteration of the information under "Our" control (remember illusion?), "We" have put in place appropriate physical, electronic, magical barriers and managerial procedures to safeguard and secure the information "We" collect online ("Smith&Wesson, Fido, pull the plug, check an double check, backups, setups and don't forget stoops").

"We" don't really do Jack Squat to protect the privacy of the information you provide.     It's on the Guest Book, a public page and you posted it.     "We" accept no liability for any unintentional disclosure on your part ("please keep your parts covered!").     In addition, in the unlikely event that any government or private individual seeks information, "The Bald Eagle Nest" will not voluntarily provide the information, but will obey any court order requiring disclosure from our public Guest Book ("all they have to do is go there and look!     It's not a private Guest Book cause if it was private how would anyone ever get to it to see who else had signed it?     DUH!").     "We" would accept cash bribes in lieu of the court order and be lots happier!

          TERMS OF USE:

    Thanks for dropping in but remember that if you drop from too great a height you just may bounce away after you hit or yes, you could SPLAT or splatter on the sidewalk!     By using this Site you agree to comply with and be bound by this Terms of Use Agreement ("Agreement") pretty much from the top to the bottom.     Therefore, please review the Agreement with studious care with a dictionary if necessary, I did!     If you do not agree with the Agreement just buzz off and do not use this Site (Keep It Simple Stupid - the KISS principle.     The very thing that this document is not!).     Be it known that you, the user have read, understands and agrees to all Legal Disclaimers, Terms Of Use, Terms Of Service, Agreements, Acceptances, Disclaimer Of Endorsements, Privacy Statements, Use Of Site, Sweepstakes, Contests & Promotions, Online Store, Online Surveys, E-mail Newsletters, Correcting or Updating Your Personal Info., Information "We" Automatically Collect, Privacy And Children, Security, Amendments, Limited Right to Use, Privacy Policy, Licenses, Disclaimer, Limitations Of Liability's, Governing Laws, Commissions and Payments Schedule, Promotion Restrictions, Extra #one (1), Another Extra #two (2), More Extra #three (3), More Extra #four (4), Disputes and/or Indemnities on this site.

          ACCEPTANCE:

    By being here, you blindly agree to whatever "We" say ("terms") and do as I say not as I do principles ("conditions") of this Agreement, which establishes the entire agreement between you and "Us"-ins ("see way above for the "ins" thing!").     This Agreement supersedes all arrangements done made and those still in effect, representations and warranties and understandings, whether oral, written or anal (!), with respect to the Site, the Site contents and any services provided on the Site but please don't call "Us", "We"'ll call you.     In the event of any conflict between the Agreement and any other agreement or understanding related to this Site, this Agreement shall control unless you also believe that control is illusion or again, you have lots of cash!     Any user who does not accept or and agree to abide by all of the Terms of Use, Service, Enrichment or Endearment as listed herein does not have the legal right to use this site!     Amazing!!!

          AMENDMENTS:

    This Agreement may be amended by "Us" whenever "We" want or "We" find need and your only notice of such updating shall be the posting of the amended Agreement on this Site.     You are therefore advised to review the Agreement each time you visit the Site especially if you are bored or anal (!).     If you are not bored you will be after you take the half hour or so to re-read all this junk unless, of course, you fall asleep first (be it noted that "We" are not responsible for your dreams (dry, slushy or wet!) either!)!

          LIMITED RIGHT TO USE:

    The Site and the contents herein are the "engaged in activity requiring the creative use of the intellect" or intellectual property of "Us"-ins and are protected by applicable copyright, trademark and proprietary rights unless the applicable copyright, trademark or proprietary rights belong to someone else.     Viewing, printing or downloading of any content, graphic, form or document from this Site grants you only a limited nonexclusive license for your personal use and does not authorize republication, distribution, assignment, sublicense, sale, preparation of derivative works or any other use unless you have received "Our"-ins expressed written permission, by written word of mouth, for such use herein, therein, round-an-about or out-an-about (cash works to get our permission!).     No part of any content, for which "We" many be accused, or not, of having content or form except for (registered trademark) Jello forms which "We" like to put "Our" (registered trademark) Jello in, or document may be reproduced in any form ("back to (registered trademark) Jello") or incorporated into any information retrieval system ("would the world wide web be considered an information retrieval system?     Oh Yea, "We"-ins are putting it there so that's okay!"), electronic ("same here, ya gotta get there from here or here from there") or mechanical ("when ya get here or there it has to be stored somewhere"), other than for your personal, not-for profit use except for comical (comedy plus) relief where there may or may be not be implied, imposed, imprisoned, impressed or some other word starting with an "im"!.     You do not acquire any ownership rights to "Our" Site or to any contents herein unless you pay "Us" some outrageous sum, dollars that is, for which "We" refuse to disclose cause everyone would want to be charging the same at their site expecting to make outrageous amounts of 'moo-la'!     All rights not expressly granted herein or should "We" say in this extremely elongated and bloated text, are reserved by "Us"-ins except in the case of linking back to "Us".     "The Bald Eagle Nest" hereby grants you a non-exclusive license to establish an electronic link between your site and "The Bald Eagle Nest" site by means expressed as "link to "Us"" whereby "We" furnish banners that is/can be exclusively linked back to "Us" from your site.     "We" disclaim all liability for those matters herein and forthwith called "content" located on your site where you might locate our banners that link back to "Our" Site.

          PRIVACY POLICY:

    Please review the "Us"-ins privacy policy.     By using this Site you agree that "We"-ins privacy policy, not to be confused with "Our" public policy, is part of "the" Agreement and may be updated when ever "We" want to without specific notice to you or written permission from you for "Us"-ins to do so.     The short workings of it is, "If'in yo is want'en to keep it private, don't tell no one!

          LICENSES:

    You agree not to download any software from this Site because "We" don't have any for you to download even if you really wanted to but you can access a link that takes you to a site, not "Ours", that has software to download from their site but then you would be bound and gaged by any agreements, privacy policy's, licensees and/or disclaimers applicable to that site but not to "Ours" because you have already left "Our" site if you have the availability or are presently downloading any software.     "We" do offer non-exclusive license to establish an electronic link between your site and "Ours" as noted above under "Limited Right to Use".

          DISCLAIMER:

      1.     ALL THE INFORMATION OR DIS-IMFORMATION, AS THE CASE MAY BE, ON THIS SITE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THAT IS NON-NEGOTIABLE (CAN'T CHANGE IT FROM WHAT IT IS UNLESS "WE" CHANGE IT!) AND ALL WARRANTIES, WARRENTS, OR WANTS, BILLS, EXPRESSED, IMPLIED, IMPRESSED OR IMPLANTED, ARE DISCLAIMED (NOT OWNED BY "Us"-INS!)     (INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE DISCLAIMER OF ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE FOR WHICH "We"-INS AIN'T FIT FOR MUCH OF ANY PUROSE AND SURE AIN'T FIT TO SELL SO MERCHANTS DON'T NEED TO CHECK OUT OUR MERCHANTIBILITY CAUSE "We" AIN'T SELLABLE UNLESS SOMEONE WANTED TO BUY "US" AND FOR THAT "I'D" FALL OVER PASSED OUT, BUT NOT ON OR IN, ALWAYS 'OUT'!).

      2.     "We" HAVE DISCUSSED AND DO DISCLAIM AND DISAVOW ALL LIABILITY OR LIE'S ABOUT MY BELLY SIZE, CONTENT AND DON'T CONFUSE IT WITH A CONTINENT, FOR THOSE MATTERS WHEREIN, HEREIN ALSO THEREIN AND TWOTHWITH, FORTHWITH OR SIXTHWITH CALLED CONTENT, DISCONTENT, ANY DISPUTE OR DISSATISFACTION OF STUFF LOCATED ON, IN OR AT OUR SITE WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED "CLOSE" TO MY BELLY.     FURTHER, YOU AGREE TO INDEMNIFY AND HOLD "US" (AT ARM'S LENGTH, ANY CLOSER IS AT YOUR OWN RISK!) COMPLETLY HARMLESS, FINGERLESS AND TOELESS (FROSTBITE!) FROM ALL CLAIMS, DAMAGES, AND EXPENSES (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, LITIGATION, LIBATION OR DEPREDATION, ATTORNEYS' FEES OR DUES) RELATING TO OR ARISING OUT OF YOUR BLOATED REACTIONS TO THE SPACE LOCATED BETWEEN THE TOP, BOTTOM AND SIDES OF YOUR SEREEN WHEN AT "OUR" URL.     ANY DESCREPENTIES ARISING OUT OF MISADDRESSED, MISLABLED OR UNLABLED QUOTES, QUIPS, CLIPS OR ART, AFTER BEING BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION WILL BE HAPPILY CHANGED, APPROIATE CREDIT WILL BE GIVEN FOR THAT ITEM OR REMOVED FROM OUR DOMAIN AFTER BEING ASKED TO CHANGE, GIVE CREDIT OR REMOVE THE OFFENDING THING UNLESS, OF COURSE, IT ISN'T REALLY OFFENDING BUT DEFENDING IT'S RIGHT TO EXIST IN CYBER SPACE, THE CYBER FRONTIER!     IF SUCH NOTICE IS NOT GIVEN WITHIN THIRTY (30) CALENDAR DAYS OF LEARNING OF THE FIRST OCCURRENCE OF SUCH ERROR, DISPUTE OR DISSATISFACTION "WE", ALSO KNOW AS "US"-INS, SHALL BE BLAMELESS AND HELD WITHOUT CONTEMPT AS TO ANY DESCREPENTIES AS LISTED ABOVE EXCEPT AT SUCH TIME AS IT IS THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ONLY, "I" REPEAT, ONCE AND ONLY WILL "WE" BE BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING OR ANYTHING YOU CAN COME UP WITH WITHIN THE FINAL 30 SECONDS OF OUR UNIVERSAL EXISTANCE.     AT THAT TIME, THE THING "WE" DON'T HAVE, THE "BUCK" WILL STOP HERE.....

      3.     THE SITE AND SERVICE ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS-IS" BASIS. "US"-INS DISCLAIM ANY WARRANTY OF FITNESS, FLABBINESS, THINNESS AND/OR ANY WARRANTY FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, INFRINGEMENT (BUT "WE" DO LIKE CHOCOLATE-CHIP-MINT) OR FOR ANY-SUCH-THING THAT MAY HANG IN ANY SUCH DIRECTION NOR FROM ANYTHING.     "BALDEAGLESNEST.COM" MAKES NO GUARANTEE WHATSOEVER ABOUT ANY SPECIFIC RESULTS FROM THE USE OF THE SITE OR SERVICE BUT IN MOST CASES, NON-SERVICE(S).     "BALDEAGLESNEST.COM" MAKES NO GUARANTEE WHATSOEVER ABOUT THE ACCURACY OF THE INFORMATION LISTED IN, ON OR BY ITS DIRECTORIES.   "BALDEAGLESNEST.COM" IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR INCORRECT OR INACCURATE CONTENT POSTED ON THE SITE AND FIND THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE VIEWER THAT MAY VIEW ANY SUCH INACCURATE THINGS TO REPORT, POST OR NOTIFY "US" WITHIN 30 SECONDS OF SUCH VIEWING THE AFORE MENTIONED SCR*W-UPS.     "BALDEAGLESNEST.COM" ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR TECHNICAL, SCRATCHING, BENDING, STUPING, STANDING OR SETTING (OR IS IT SITTING) DIFFICULTIES, INCLUDING COMPUTER, OPERATOR, OPERATING OR THE LACK OF OPERATION, OR OPERATIONAL MALFUNCTIONS, DISCONNECTS, AND SERVER OR RECEIVER FAILURE.     UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL "US"INS BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE RESULTING FROM ANYONE'S USE OF THE SITE OR THE SERVICE AND/OR ANY CONTENT POSTED ON THE SITE OR TRANSMITTED TO THE USERS OF SAID SITE.     "BALDEAGLESNEST.COM" DOES NOT ASSUME ANY RESPONSIBILITY OR LIABLITY FOR ANY 3RD, 2ND OR 1ST PARTY ADVERTISERS OR ANY OTHER 3RD, 2ND OR 1ST PARTY OFFER UNLESS, OF COUSE, THE PARTY IS "OFF SITE" AND IN SUCH CASES PARCIPATION IS A "AS-IS", CASE BY CASE INDIVIDUAL POSSIBLE USAGE AN THERE-FORE "WE"INS REFUSE TO BE HELD FOR ANY RESPONSIBILITY WHERE "WE" WOULD BE CONSIDERED NOT RESPONSIBLE IN A UNRESPONSIBLE WAY.     YOU, AS ALWAYS IDENTIFIED JUST AS, THE USER, AGREES TO INDEMNIFY AND HOLD "US"INS, OUR SUBSIDIARIES, AFFILIATES, OFFICERS, AGENTS AND OTHER PARTNERS AND EMPLOYEES, EXCEPT AS NOTED AT THE DAIRY FARM WHICH "WE" DO NOT HAVE IN ANY COUNTY OR STATE, HARMLESS FROM ANY LOSS, LIABILITY, CLAIM OR DEMAND, INCLUDING REASONABLE ATTORNEY'S FEES, UNREASONABLE ATTORNEY'S FEES (FOR WHICH MOST ARE!), FOR ANY DISPUTE DUE TO OR ARISING OUT OF YOUR USE OF A 3RD, 2ND, OR 1ST TO INCLUDE 4TH OR 5TH PARTY OFFER OR COUNTER OFFER OR COUNTER-COUNTER OFFER OR ADVERTISEMENT, OR PROMOTION OR DEMOTION EITHOR WRITTEN, VISUALLY IMPARED, VERBAL, SILENTLY, VORACIOUSLY, VIDEO-LY (ON OR OFF CAMERA) SIGN-LANGUAGE OR ANY OTHER WAY IN WHICH ANYTHING MAY OR MAY NOT BE COMMUNICATED TO INCLUDE BUT NOT LIMITED TO VIRAL, ORAL AND OR CORAL (SINGING THAT IS! "WE"-INS LIKE THE HARMONY!).

          LIMITATION OF LIABILITY:

    IN NO EVENT WILL "WE"-INS BE LIABLE, LEGALLY OBLIGATED, RESPONSIBLE OR RESPECTABLE TO YOU, YO MAMA, UNCLE, ANT, AUNT, RELATIVE OR ANY INSECT, FOR ANY INDIRECT, DIRECT, SIDEWAYS, OVER, UNDER, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, CASUAL OR ACCIDENTAL CHANCE OR CONSEQUENTIAL TO INCLUED SHOWING SELF-IMPORTANCE OR JUST SHOWING OFF, DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY LOST PROFITS, LOST DATA, LOST SAVINGS, LOST COMPETANCE, OR LOST INLAWS SPECIFICALLY MOTHER-IN-LAWS, WHETHER BASED ON BREACH OF CONTRACT, BREACH OF WARRANTY, BREACH OF BIRTH, TORT (not the food kind of tort), PRODUCT LIABILITY, EVEN THOUGH "WE" DON'T HAVE A PHYSICAL PRODUCT EXCEPT FOR OUR INTELLECTUAL PRODUCT WHICH IS AND HAS BEEN CONSIDERED AND PROGNOSTICATED BY DOCTORS OF THE MIND AS BEING INCONSEQUENTIAL OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, THEOREM, THOUGHT OR SPECULATION BUT TO EXCLUDE DALMATIONS AND ALL OTHER BREEDS OF CANINES, EVEN IF "WE"-ins, "Us"-ins or "Our"-ins HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.     (SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, SO THE ABOVE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU EXCEPT THEREIN WHERE THEY MAY APPLY EXCEPT, OF COURSE, WHERE YOU ARE IN A STATE OF CONFUSION.)

          GOVERNING LAW:

    By using this Site, you agree that this Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Confusion located in any State or Country to include the United States of America, without regards to its conflict of law of the rights of passage, rules.     By using this Site you also agree that all litigation arising out of or in connection with this Agreement shall be bought in the state courts of the State of Confusion, where ever you can find it in any State or Country to include the United States of America or, for matters involving federal jurisdiction, in the United States District Court for the Nonexistent District In Our State of Confusion....YA CAN'T HIT WHAT YA CAN'T SEE!!!

          COMMISSIONS AND PAYMENT SCHEDULE:

    "The Baled Eagles Nest" shall not pay you a single red cent or commission for visiting our little corner of the universe as "We" perceive it.     Put simply, it's "Our" universe, you don't like it, bugger off and build your own universe to play in.     Nor will "We" charge you a fee for visitation rights to view our Domain or ask you to set up any type of payment schedule for the privilege of visiting with "Us".     "We" are a freebee, (!) so ENJOY......(Unless, of course, you just want to give "Us" some scratch (money) just cuz you like "Us", "We" accept (trade marked) Pay Pal and in any event cash is just fine!)

          PROMOTION RESTRICTIONS:

    You are welcome to promote Our web site on your web sites, but any promotion that mentions "The Bald Eagle Nest" Site, "The Bald Eagle" or "Bald Eagle" could be perceived by the public or the press as a joint (non-smokeable!) effort and to such ends "We" request the curtesy of visitation to include visualization as to the way you have linked back to Our site.     Upon request, "We" will reciprocate and add your link to our Domain in a manor that is consistent to those other links located at our Domain. "We"-ins don't like to be told how to put links on our pages. "We" copied and likes de way "We"-ins copies.

          EXTRA #1:

    The paragraph heading(s) (The big letter(s) put together to form word(s) that are located apart from other smaller letters that are put together to form other word(s)) of this Agreement(s) (what "We"-ins say is so) are for convenience only, and shall not be deemed to define, limit or describe the scope or intent of this Agreement(s).

          ANOTHER EXTRA #2:

    Should any provision, paragraph, sentence or bit of this Agreement be determined to be invalid or unenforceable under any law, rule or regulation, subjugation, jurisdiction or tradition, that determination shall not affect the validity or enforce ability or B.S. of any other provision of this Agreement.

          MORE EXTRA #3:

    "We" shall have no obligation to provide any services that "We" don't provide when and to the extent that "We" are prevented from doing so by equipment failure, fire, flood, earthquake, strike, lockout, war, revolution, riot, insurrection, revival, or any act of God (in or out of a tent) or government (or faux-similarities of a government) or act of Scouts (Boy or Girl Scouts); provided that "We"-ins shall take any action reasonably practical and necessary to effect prompt resumption of the services like paying the bill.     In particular "We" shall not be deemed to have breached any provision of this Agreement or be in default hereunder, here over, here with or here through, as a result of any delay, failure in performance (what! "Me"? no way. "We"-ins don't need no Viagra (another registered trademark!), or interruption of service resulting directly, indirectly or bilaterally from events beyond Our control.     FURTHERMORE, IN NO EVENT SHALL "We"-ins BE LIABLE FOR INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, LOST PROFITS, LOST MINES, LOST MINDS, LOST CATS, LOST DOGS AND/OR LOST INLAWS (FOR-SOTH, IN-TO AND THERE-FORE YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMLY HAPPY THE INLAWS ARE LOST ESPICALLY IN THOSE CASES WHERE-FOR THEY HAVE TURNED INTO A PAIN IN THE A$$ AND COMPLICATE YOUR LIFE BEYOND COMPLEXITIES...)!

          LAST EXTRA #4:

    Nothing contained herein, or in any other contract or agreement, or the business relationship between You-ins and "Us"-ins, shall be construed to constitute anything other than nonsense.     Further, visitors do hereby acknowledges that they have no proprietary interest in "Us" or clame to "Us" (unless they want to send large amounts of cash!).

          DISPUTES:

    You, being the visitor, agree that all disputes, disagreements and/or traffic tickets arising out of or in connection with this Agreement(s) shall be finally settled under the Rules of American Arbitration Association ("AAA") by one or more arbitrators appointed in accordance with said Rules that "We" designate.     The place of arbitration shall be Confused County, State of Confusion in the Country of your choice except in which Our choice would over rule, out qualify and beat up your choice (Na-na-nana-na Our choice is bigger than your choice!!!).     The parties (except in the case of "house parties", "block parties", "blanket parties" or "birthday parties") hereby renounce, give away and throw off any right of recourse that they may have or thought they had before the court of any jurisdiction except to obtain preliminary, injunctive, or surgical relief to which "We" advise the use of an antacid to afford the relief requested or enforce an award of the arbitrator.     If any award rendered by an arbitrator in accordance with this arbitration clause would not be capable of being executed in the jurisdiction of a party against whom a claim for payment is made or where that party resides or carries on business, or pleasure, neither the award nor said arbitration clause shall bar a party hereto from taking action before the courts that have jurisdiction over such other party with the exception of the above noted parties, "house, block, blanket or birthday".

          INDEMNITY:

    You agree to indemnify and hold "Us"-ins, "Our" subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, agents, other partners, primary or secondary employees, grandparents, ants, aunts, uncles, niches, nephews, mothers and fathers or brothers and sisters harmless from any loss to include loss of weight (I need that), liability, claims except in the case of mineral claims (or in reflection especially in case of mineral claims to which "We" could increase our holdings) or demand, to include demands from in-laws which can be especially annoying, including reasonable or unreasonable attorney's fees, made by any third, second, or first party's due to or arising out of your use of the Site (this site or any other "We" lay claim to), the information here-in to include there-in or misinformation here-in to include there-in, in violation of this Agreement and/or arising from a breach and/or bloatation of these Terms of use and/or any breach and again bloatation of your representations and warranties set forth and fifth above so help you ad-in-finum-itis!

          Corporate Liability Limitations:

    A.     You-ins understand and acknowledges that "We" have no control over the quality, safety or legality of the content or information you may or may not have access to thru the links on our web pages.     Because it is not feasible to authenticate users on the Internet that post to "Our"-ins guest book; "We"-ins cannot and does not verify or confirm that each user is, in fact, who he or she purports to be.     If Marilyn Monroe sign's the guest book, you can believe it or not, it is your choice.

    B.     You-ins agree(s) to release "Us"-ins, our or its agents, employees and affiliates from any or all claims, demands and damages Ė actual and consequential, direct and indirect, express and implied Ė of every kind and nature, known and unknown, suspected and unsuspected, disclosed and undisclosed, arising out of, or in any way connected with, such of any disputes between or among users of this web site and services..

    C.     "We"-ins shall not be responsible for any inaccuracies or typographical errors (unless the ol'lady finds em and flogs me for em!), and does not make any representation about the accuracy, reliability, completeness or timeliness of either Our-ins web site or the material and links contained on it.

    D.     "Us"-ins expect(s) and assumes that users will exercise caution and demonstrate common sense when using the links to other web sites from "Our"'ins web site.

    E.     Anyone-ins using "This"-ins web site and its content does so at his-ins, her-ins or thier-ins own-ins risk ("I" will admit here the "I" am of the belief that notin' will fall on your head if'n yo visit "Us"-ins unless of course somethin' does and in that remote case, "We"-ins ain't responsible!     Get out of that cave!).     The user is solely responsible for the content submitted on any and all forms or documents available to user on "Our"-ins web site.

    F.     Although "We"-ins make every effort to provide timely and accurate information and links that work, the law is constantly changing and web site links are constantly changing almost faster than you-ins can read this.     Users of this web site are solely responsible for the accuracy and correctness of all information they provide to complete any documents and forms (guest book pages) on this web site or linked to from this web site.

          General Liability Disclaimer: Computer Communication and Internet Communications

    A.     You-ins agree(s) that "We"-ins shall not be held responsible, liable, accountable, amenable or answerable for late, lost, incomplete, illegible, misdirected or stolen e-mail to or from our site, unavailable network connections (cable or phone modem), failed, incomplete, garbled or delayed data transmissions, electric failures, hardware, software or other technical malfunctions, disruptions, riots or disturbances or any other communications failures or circumstances that may affect, disrupt or corrupt communications.

    B.     "Us"-ins assumes no responsibility, and shall not be held liable for, any damages to, or viral infection of, your computer system, network or other property on account of your access to, browsing of or use of our web site or the downloading of any materials, data, text, graphics, or other material that you link to from our site.     Any material that you download or otherwise obtain through "Our"-ins web site is done at your own risk and discretion (You-ins is a grownup ain't ya? If'in yo ain't a grownup, do you-ins know where one(1) is?).     You-ins is solely responsible for any damage to your own computer system or any loss of data that may result from the downloading of such material off of any site you visit.

    C.     Under no circumstances, will "The Bald Eagle Nest" be liable for any injury, loss, claim, damage or any special, exemplary, punitive, direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages of any kind (including, but not limited to lost profits, savings, goodwill, use, data or other intangible losses), whether based in contract, tort, promise, whisper, dream (not to be confused with "wet"), wish, strict liability or otherwise, which may arise out of or in any way whatsoever connected to the use of or access to our website content, opinions (like a$$'s everybody has one, admit it!) or pages, any failure, delay or inability to use our web site, cost of procurement of substitute services, unauthorized access to/alteration of your transmissions or data, statements or conduct of any third party on the service, whether or not "We" are advised of the possibility of such damages by you or another party.

    D.     You-ins, de user, understand(s) and agree(s) that "Our"-insís entire liability, and userís exclusive remedy with respect to any pages visited at "Our"-ins web site under these Terms of Service and any breach of these Terms of Service, is solely limited to the total amount of goodwill that "We" have shown by posting "Our"-ins web site in the cyber-world.

          OPT-OUT INSTRUCTIONS:

    If you prefer that "We" do not disclose any of your visitor information and wish to opt-out of being disclosed (don't disrobe on our site!) you have two (2) options, no wait, make that (3) options!

    Option #one (1); send us thousands of dollars, US, and we will IMMEDIATELY remove any visitor information that we may have about your visits to include all entrees on the "Bald Eagle" Guest Book:

    Option #two (2); don't make any entrees on the "Bald Eagle" Guest Book:

    Option #three (3); don't vist the "Bald Eagles Nest" in the first place and "We"-ins GUARANTEE you will not have to Opt-Out in any place!

          AND FINALLY;
CONTACT US:

    If you have any questions about this privacy statement, agreement, terms of use, the practices of this site, or your dealings with this Web site, you can contact:

"The Bald Eagle Nest" Web master
ben@baldeaglenest.com

SO HELP "ME" BY GOLLY GARSH JIMMITY GEE WIZ DANG...............

P.S.     If ya really read down this far let "Us" know!!!!!!! ("I" did once and had to send "Myself" an e-mail just to let "Me" know that "I" had made it!)

For Legible Fine Print. Click Here!

 

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